• THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY
  • This story happened 7 years ago but it was recently I got the consent of Mr Frank and the wife, Mrs Cecilia, to share it with you. *Happy reading*... The first day I met Mr Frank I found it difficult to believe *he was 80 years old.*  He came with his beautiful and funny wife *Mrs Cecilia who was 70 years old.*  They were very interesting old couple. *They had been married for 50 years.*  I admired their friendship. It was obvious that they had enjoyed the companionship of marriage.  *"We were blessed with 5 children" Mr Frank said.* Before Mr Frank could finish his statement, Mrs Cecilia cut in like a proud mother and said  "One is in UK, a medical doctor; One is in US, an engineer; One is in Canada, a nurse; The remaining two are in Nigeria. One is a lawyer and the other one is a businesswoman. *They are all happily married doctor. God has been good to us"* Much more appealing to me was the health of two of them. They were still physically, mentally, spiritually and socially sound.  What a blessing from God. At such advanced age, the only sign of old age in them was they were using walking sticks and glasses but they could go anywhere they wanted to go unaccompanied by their children or any family member.  This was the first time I was meeting them inside my consulting room. They just returned from UK on holiday to their Medical Doctor son staying there.  *They even gisted me about how much fun they had.* How they did their full medical check up in UK. They also came with the reports.  *I went through the reports. I was wowed about how great their health status was*  After reading their great medical check up reports from UK, *I asked them what was their secret of good health?* They both proudly told me "doctor this kind of good health in old age is:   *A big blessing from God* combined with; A good lifestyle of not drinking alcohol; Not smoking; *Not womanizing;* Daily exercise;  Good balanced diet; Constantly taking fruits and vegetables;  *Reducing salt and too much oil;* Supporting each other on our life goals and ambition; Having a family goal together;  *Serving God and having a good marriage, family and good gene*  *But most importantly my son, practising continuous daily forgiveness*  *You will live long as a married couple if you learn to forgive each other quickly on daily basis without carrying over any offence to the next day*  *This is our rule that no offence must cross to the next day. Both the offender and the offended must sort it out before 12 midnight.*  We respect this rule till now and it has tremendously helped us live long we believe.  *My wife and myself exercised together often since we got married 50 years ago and till today nothing has changed*  *Doctor we still take a walk together in the neighbourhood now that we are old"* I congratulated them for God's goodness to them.  It is indeed a blessing from God to age well without much drugs.  *I asked them what they came to see me for* They said their doctor son in UK told them to be going to hospital once in a while to check their blood pressure.  I did their blood pressure, both of them were great.  They asked me to speak with their son doctor in UK, which I did.  I commended him for taking good care of his father and lovely mother. I told him how much I admired their marriage after good 50 years of such great companionship.  The son responded " that is how they are o. *You cant come between them. They are two love birds".*  They dont allow us children to come between them at all.  *When we were children, if any one of us offended anyone of them, don't bother to go and beg one to help you.*  *That one would still tell the other one and they would discipline you together.*  So no escape route for any of us. *We were disciplined and loved equally my brother"* After he finished  I told him "Wow, congratulations to you guys for such a great parenting you enjoyed from two of them, I am not surprised all of you turned out well in life". Thank you my brother" the doctor appreciated back. Then I told him the blood pressure of two of them were superb as they had instructed me to tell their doctor son that told them to come for the check up.  *As we brought the consultation to a close  Mr Frank and the wife told me to give them drug to enhance their sexual life.* Sincerely I must tell you as a Medical doctor, I was shocked. I taught at that age their bedroom life would  be dead.  *I was shocked when they both told me that every week at least once they still met with each other.*  I was speechless. I asked surprisingly" sir, ma you mean two of you still.... *"they did not allow me to finish my statement they said laughingly to me " doctor it is until death do us part o." Wow wow wow.* What a day. So many lessons I had learnt from this old, great couple in few minutes of meeting them.  I granted their request. I gave them the drug to help with the mild erectile dysfunction Mr Frank was having and the post menopausal vaginal dryness Mrs Cecilia was having.  They were so happy with me just the way I was so happy with them. They didn't know how much positively they had touched my soul for a lifetime by teaching me some great marital and family lessons.  *They said " our son thank you very much. God bless you. Are you married?".* I was not married as at then. In fact I was ashamed of my self now to tell them I was not married. They laughed and said " we know you are not married.  *Go and marry o and stop wasting your precious youthful time"* I stood up and bowed to thank them for the marble words from the elders.   They took their leave and promised to come back and visit soon. They collected my contact that they would like to see me when next they came to the hospital.  I gave them and collected theirs. What a day. Exactly two months later, I saw them again but this time around with their two daughters that resided in Nigeria.  I meant the lawyer and the business woman. They looked to me like people in their mid thirties.  They were looking happily married too.  They escorted their Papa and Mama to the Hospital. They had called me to book the appointment.  As four of them came I ushered them into inside my consulting room, welcome them warmly.  Mr Frank told me he and his wife just came back from Canada from their Nurse daughter.  I asked them if the frequent travellings were not too stressful for them. *They answered" it is stressful o our son but we are getting used to it".* Then to the business of the day, I asked them if they came for the check of their blood pressure. They affirmed that.  I told the two daughters to excuse us, but Mr Frank insisted that there was no need to send  them out of the consulting room.  *In their family they are all one. He raised all the children never to keep secret from one another. They should be united and share their problems together and solved them together"*  Another lesson again today" I said quietly to myself in my mind. I concurred to the request since that was how the patient wanted it, that no secret (confidentiality) was their family tradition.   After the usual blood pressure check everything was fine. Everybody was happy. *About to leave Mr Frank, in the presence of his two daughters, asked for erection enhancement drug like he did the first day.*  The two daughters laughed but insisted that I should not give him. They said and I quote " *Daddy do you want to kill mummy? At this age, you are not tired? What you have done for 50 years? Please doctor don't give him. Don't let him kill mummy for us"*  The most hilarious response came from that their same mummy they thought they were protecting from 'death' from her husband. Mrs Cecilia said *"DOCTOR DON'T MIND MY CHILDREN O, OBVIOUSLY THEY DONT KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MARRIAGE AND FAMILY. GIVE MY HUSBAND THE DRUG. LET HIM KILL ME".* I laughed so much my tummy hurt. She turned to her two daughters and said  *"do I come to your marriage and tell you what to do with your husbands? So what concerns you people with my marriage? So because you people are our children, you think you can come between us? You are only family members o, this marriage is between me and my husband and it is until death do us part. So you people are third party. Mind your business."* I laughed again my tummy ached but something struck me in the way she used the two words *marriage and family.*   I was prompted to ask further questions. *I said "ma what do you mean by this is your marriage and they are just family, they can't come and interfere in your marriage. What do you mean ?"* Mr frank cut in *" doctor marriage is a union between ONLY two people, a man and a woman, husband and his wife, full stop while family is a union among three or more people let's say father, mother and children and others."* Doctor a lot of people don't know the difference.  *They allowed their children to come in between them in their marriage. This is something every couple should watch out for. You and your wife are the only two people in your marriage and everything that makes two of you happy is your business 100%.*  *Yes you can take advice from your family  ( your children and others) but the responsibility lies in your hands both, 100%.* Another great lesson learnt today again.  I gave them their sex life enhancing drug including mama's cream. We all laughed and they bid me good bye.  As soon as this blessed, great old couple took their leave, *Many lessons about marriage and family*  started running through my unmarried mind and some of these lessons have really helped me in my marriage today. Below are they:  *Lesson number1:* *Marriage is an institution created by God from the beginning for only  two people*. Family is only third party. They should never dictate what happens in it. They can only offer advice. *Lesson number 2:*  *Good health of a couple depends on so many things* but greatest among them all is two of you being one in practising a good life style and daily forgiveness together *Lesson number 3:* *No matter how old two of you are in your marriage and no matter how many children you have, dont stop having sex together.* It is a God's gift to you both in your marriage until death do you part and it will help hold your union together.  *Lesson Number 4:* *Never allow your family especially your children use divide and rule method for two of you*. Always be on the same page when it comes to discipline and love of your family members especially your children  *Lesson number 5:* *Encourage your children not to be secretive to one another and you be an example of this together in your day to day daily life*. Our Children learn more from our lifestyle than they learn from our words *Lesson number 6:*  *Respect your children's  marriages as their parents* so that you can boldly question them whenever they want to interfere in yours.  *Lesson number 7:* *Marry your friend.* When I say this I meant someone two of you flow. Marriage  is a long and mosttimes a lifetime journey. *Marrying your friend will definitely make the journey fun and easier.*   (You can equally add other lessons you have personally learnt from the story)  Share this true life story  with your family and friends. *The writer is Dr Adesida Adewumi
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  • 05 Sep '20 - 09:40am
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  • Comments (11)
  • frankemmy on 05 Sep '20 - 11:09am
    thanks for the information
    2
  • uc on 05 Sep '20 - 11:33am
    not all is as it seems🤔
    2
  • chriskay on 05 Sep '20 - 09:47am
    the difference is very clear
    1
  • biram on 05 Sep '20 - 10:08am
    Nice updates, touching and informative
    1
  • odumoduchuks on 05 Sep '20 - 10:15am
    They had a well planned life ,and I am happy the children are obedient to get to where they are at the moment .
    1
  • idealic on 05 Sep '20 - 11:37am
    interesting... thanks for the update
    1
  • cent on 05 Sep '20 - 11:44am
    marriage is a union family is blood thanks
    1
  • imahmartins1989 on 05 Sep '20 - 11:49am
    marriage is honourable in all and bed on defile
    1
  • olabim on 05 Sep '20 - 03:17pm
    sure, family is different from marriage...
    1
  • sintali on 05 Sep '20 - 03:39pm
    thanks for your information
    1
  • bensonumeh on 05 Sep '20 - 05:07pm
    thanks for the update
    1
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