• The 15 best jokes
  • The 15 best jokes

    1. “My dad has suggested that I register for a donor card. He’s a man after my own heart.” Masai Graham

    2. “Why is it old people say ‘there’s no place like home’, yet when you put them in one …” Stuart Mitchell

    Masai Graham (PA)

    3. “I’ve been happily married for four years – out of a total of 10.” Mark Watson

    4. “Apparently one in three Britons are conceived in an IKEA bed which is mad because those places are really well lit.” Mark Smith

    5. “I went to a pub quiz in Liverpool, had a few drinks so wasn’t much use. Just for a laugh I wrote The Beatles or Steven Gerrard for every answer … came second.” Will Duggan

    6. “Brexit is a terrible name, sounds like cereal you eat when you are constipated.” Tiff Stevenson

    7. “I often confuse Americans and Canadians. By using long words.” Gary Delaney

    In pictures: 12th Edinburgh Art Festival

    Show all 5

    8. “Why is Henry’s wife covered in tooth marks? Because he’s Tudor.” Adele Cliff

    9. “Don’t you hate it when people assume you’re rich because you sound posh and went to private school and have loads of money?” Annie McGrath


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    10. “Is it possible to mistake schizophrenia for telepathy, I hear you ask.” Jordan Brookes

    11. “Hilary Clinton has shown that any woman can be president, as long as your husband did it first.” Michelle Wolf

    12. “I spotted a Marmite van on the motorway. It was heading yeastbound.” Roger Swift

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    13. “Back in the day, Instagram just meant a really efficient drug dealer.” Arthur Smith

    14. “I’ll tell you what’s unnatural in the eyes of God. Contact lenses.” Zoe Lyons

    15. “Elton John hates ordering Chinese food. Soya seems to be the hardest word.” Phil Nicol

    Steve North, general manager of Dave, said: "The Fringe is renowned for being the best place to spot new and emerging comedy talent, and although there are some returning contenders in our top 10 this year, there is a high volume of new talent which is very exciting to see.”

    The Edinburgh Fringe wraps up proceedings in just under a week, concluding on the 19 August.

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  • 24 Aug '20 - 02:39am
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  • Comments (25)
  • marghi7 on 24 Aug '20 - 06:13am
    thanks for the update
  • sekoko1 on 24 Aug '20 - 06:28am
    thanks for the joke.
  • sunday081 on 24 Aug '20 - 05:20am
    thanks for the update
  • tahir333 on 24 Aug '20 - 05:50am
    okay thanks for sharing this with us
  • hopeisrael on 24 Aug '20 - 06:27am
    Very funny nice one
  • ola1 on 24 Aug '20 - 06:27am
    thanks for the information
  • kazir on 24 Aug '20 - 06:37am
    thanks for sharing the joke very funny
  • kazir on 24 Aug '20 - 06:37am
    thanks for sharing the joke very funny
  • ugochukwu007 on 24 Aug '20 - 06:51am
    nice one keep it up
  • preshyk on 24 Aug '20 - 06:59am
    nice and wonderful jokes
  • frankemmy on 24 Aug '20 - 10:33am
    thanks for the not so hilarious joke
  • skd on 24 Aug '20 - 03:29pm
    on the 19th August which year please can you identify
  • makebe on 24 Aug '20 - 06:42am
    thanks for updating
  • rich1994 on 24 Aug '20 - 06:46am
    Tanks for the update sir
  • sadeq80 on 24 Aug '20 - 06:48am
    thanks the joke is vary funny
  • danielebuka on 24 Aug '20 - 07:31am
    thanks for the good jokes
  • alloysius001 on 24 Aug '20 - 07:34am
    hmmmmmmmm funny u
  • mustaphavic1 on 24 Aug '20 - 07:50am
    wow so funny thanks alot
  • bolatito on 25 Aug '20 - 07:40am
    wow it was very funny
  • chriskay on 24 Aug '20 - 08:12am
    The jokes aren't bad though
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