At this time of year I traditionally head for a Mediterranean beach and leave you in the company of some of the finest wits of the world’s second most popular microblogging website. This year I’m staying put but you’re still getting the treatment. Thanks to all, and especially to Moose Allain, who also does cartoons (see above, and there are more in his shop).
1. Trying to work out what you would call an omniscient, omnipotent proboscis. God nose. Matt Roberts.
2. When does a joke become a Dad joke? When it becomes apparent. Via Chris Heaton-Harris.
3. Everything’s tickety boo at the ghost train kiosk. Moose Allain.
4. A horse walks into a bar. A shire horse waits for his friends until he walks into a bar. Emzlina.
Top 10 ironic commemorations
5. My teachers made me learn parrot fashion. And yet not once in my adult life have I ever needed to dress a parrot. Sanjeev Kohli.
6. I passed my genetic engineering exam with flying koalas. Paul Eggleston.
7. What does your wardrobe say about you? It says you’re the sort of person who believes in talking wardrobes. Moose Allain.
8. I have a statistics joke but the average person would think it’s mean. Kareem Carr.
9. Tense, nervous pod race? Nothing acts faster than Anakin. Moose Allain.
Mea Culpa: Unmasking the truth about so-called phrases
10. They gave me a jigsaw which said 5-7 years on the box. I did it in a day. Trouteyes.
Next week: Greatest backings of someone before sacking them, starting with Thomas Cromwell, elevated to Earl and Lord Great Chamberlain by Henry VIII four weeks before he was arrested for treason.
Coming soon: Feuds, prompted by a discussion about why even Gordon Brown and Robin Cook couldn’t remember why they didn’t get on.